I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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