just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
