That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
