white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
whose parrot is this?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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