just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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