it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
