Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize