Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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