thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
