The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
