Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
