From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
