last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
