I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize