I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
