well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
