when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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