Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
