I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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