Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Pants are for mortals
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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