3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
