I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
