we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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