that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
