what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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