I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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