She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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