I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
