Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
