I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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