id be glad to
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
