Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
