No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
