You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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