Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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