Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
