She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
