I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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