i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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