Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
