Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
