Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
