At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
