my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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