It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So much Jack, so little girl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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