Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize