Midget sex pt 2 tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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