I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
