yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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