Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
