remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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