i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
