Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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