UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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