why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
