Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
