Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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