I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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