Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
