a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
