just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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