I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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