yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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