Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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