Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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