I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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