My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
