we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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