So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
