im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
