I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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