Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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